I'm SMAD!
by Caelan Kuban
While attending a recent conference, the presenter told a story about talking to a 4-year-old boy about labeling feelings. “Sometimes when we are sad, we cry and feel hurt but at the same time we might be mad about something, too,” is the statement that was told to the child. The 4-year-old responded, “Yes, it is like being smad!”
Science supports this feeling, as described by the 4-year-old. In fact, the journal, Emotion, published a paper that details the patterned vocalizations that toddlers make during a tantrum. Sad sounds tend to occur throughout entire tantrum and on top of those sounds are typically sharp peaks of anger.
Learning the science behind a tantrum and understanding the pattern can help parents and professionals better respond. The stress that a child experiences when they have a tantrum shuts off the part of their brain that allows them to process, reason and problem-solve. So, will asking a child questions during tantrums help? Most likely the answer is no. It will make things worse, and the tantrum will ultimately last longer. Instead, stay with the child through the peaks of anger but don’t try to reason with them. This means waiting through the screaming, yelling, kicking, pulling and pushing without talking. The most important thing is to make sure they are safe. Once this peak is past, the child will be left with sadness and will reach out for comfort. When this happens, comfort them with a hug, holding or sitting close beside them. Wait through the mad until you reach the sad!
If you have a question that you would like to see featured in Focus, email Director Caelan Kuban atckuban@tlcinst.org.
Science supports this feeling, as described by the 4-year-old. In fact, the journal, Emotion, published a paper that details the patterned vocalizations that toddlers make during a tantrum. Sad sounds tend to occur throughout entire tantrum and on top of those sounds are typically sharp peaks of anger.
Learning the science behind a tantrum and understanding the pattern can help parents and professionals better respond. The stress that a child experiences when they have a tantrum shuts off the part of their brain that allows them to process, reason and problem-solve. So, will asking a child questions during tantrums help? Most likely the answer is no. It will make things worse, and the tantrum will ultimately last longer. Instead, stay with the child through the peaks of anger but don’t try to reason with them. This means waiting through the screaming, yelling, kicking, pulling and pushing without talking. The most important thing is to make sure they are safe. Once this peak is past, the child will be left with sadness and will reach out for comfort. When this happens, comfort them with a hug, holding or sitting close beside them. Wait through the mad until you reach the sad!
If you have a question that you would like to see featured in Focus, email Director Caelan Kuban atckuban@tlcinst.org.
Reference:
Emotion, Vendantam, S. (2011). What’s behind a temper tantrum? Scientists deconstruct the screams.
Emotion, Vendantam, S. (2011). What’s behind a temper tantrum? Scientists deconstruct the screams.
